Thursday, February 5, 2009
Jokes
********************************************************************************
Q1. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??
Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )
Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI
Ans - . Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)
Q3. Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsibut goes directly to Tendulkar.? why ?? why ?? :-)
Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener
Q5. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!
Q6. What will! u call a person who is leaving India ??Socho...............
Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).
Q7. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?
Ans:- adidas
Q8. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv fallsinto the well. Why ?
Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!!
Now Kush also jumps inside. Why?
OK lot's of head scratching done.
Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!Want one more...
Q9. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. nahi pata..??
Ans:- D'Cold chain ki saans !!!!!!
Q10. Whats the common colour between Lord Ram & Krishna?
Ans:- Green (Hare Rama Hare Krishna both has Hare)
Q11:- Sardar was cleaning the wall using an ear bud... Why?
Ans:- Diwaro ko bhi kaan hote hai....
Q12:- Vimal & Bimal waiting for bus at bus stop. When bus comes Vimal gets in but Bimal don't.. Why?
Ans:- Behind the bus there was an advertise banner "Only Vimal"
Q13:- Whats opposite of Jogeshwari?
Ans:- Jogesh Don't Worry...
*************************************************************************
Do you know of a Sardar who parked his car infront of board which said FINE FOR PARKING
-----------------
A drunk was hauled into court.Mister, the judge began, you've been broughthere for drinking..
Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?
-----------------
Can you do anything that other people can't?
Sure, I can read my handwriting..
-----------------
When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best?
She answers: My husband's cheque book..
----------------
Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
----------------
My father is so old that when he was in school, historywas called current affairs.
----------------
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkeyand stopped him, what virtue would I be Showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
-----------------
Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
------------------
Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help. JobApplicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person inthis case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!
--------------------
Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
--------------------
Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same asyour brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
--------------------
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
--------------------
Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?
---------------------
Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!
--------------------
Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.
------------------
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible toteach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
--------------
Should women have children after 35
No, 35 children are more than enough!
----------------
No one has ever complained of a parachute notopening..
----------------
Living on Earth may be expensive, but itincludes an annual free trip around the Sun..
----------------
*****************************************************************************
funny questions & answersQuestion : You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anythingelse with you in the boat? How will you do it?
Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat willbecome LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the otherCigarette
another deadly answer. Scroll down a little.....
Anoth! er solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches winMatches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down.......
Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)
"TIP TIP barsa Pani.
Pani ne aag lagayee."
us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".......
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down
Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous & "jalneylagega"
********************************************************************************
Tax structure in India..
1) Qus. : What are you doing? Ans. : Business.Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?Ans. : Selling the Goods.Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!
3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?Ans. : From other State/AbroadTax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!
4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?Ans. : Profit.Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!
5) Qus. : How do you distribute profit ?Ans : By way of dividendTax : Pay dividend distribution Tax
6) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?Ans. : Factory.Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!
7) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?Ans. : YesTax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!
8) Qus. : Do you have Staff?Ans. : YesTax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!
9) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?Ans. : YesTax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!Ans : NoTax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax
10) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?Ans. : Yes, for Salary.Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!
11) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?Ans. : HotelTax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
12) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?Ans. : YesTax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!
13) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?Ans. : YesTax : PAY SERVICE TAX!
14) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?Ans. : Gift on birthday.Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!
15) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?Ans. : YesTax : PAY WEALTH TAX!
16) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?Ans. : Cinema or Resort.Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
17) Qus.: Have you purchased House?Ans. : YesTax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !
18) Qus.: How you Travel?Ans. : BusTax : PAY SURCHARGE!
19) Qus.: Any Additional Tax?Ans. : YesTax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
20) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?Ans. : YesTax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!
21) INDIAN :: okay, okay !! can i die now??Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!!!
Q1. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??
Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )
Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI
Ans - . Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)
Q3. Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsibut goes directly to Tendulkar.? why ?? why ?? :-)
Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener
Q5. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!
Q6. What will! u call a person who is leaving India ??Socho...............
Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).
Q7. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?
Ans:- adidas
Q8. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv fallsinto the well. Why ?
Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!!
Now Kush also jumps inside. Why?
OK lot's of head scratching done.
Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!Want one more...
Q9. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. nahi pata..??
Ans:- D'Cold chain ki saans !!!!!!
Q10. Whats the common colour between Lord Ram & Krishna?
Ans:- Green (Hare Rama Hare Krishna both has Hare)
Q11:- Sardar was cleaning the wall using an ear bud... Why?
Ans:- Diwaro ko bhi kaan hote hai....
Q12:- Vimal & Bimal waiting for bus at bus stop. When bus comes Vimal gets in but Bimal don't.. Why?
Ans:- Behind the bus there was an advertise banner "Only Vimal"
Q13:- Whats opposite of Jogeshwari?
Ans:- Jogesh Don't Worry...
*************************************************************************
Do you know of a Sardar who parked his car infront of board which said FINE FOR PARKING
-----------------
A drunk was hauled into court.Mister, the judge began, you've been broughthere for drinking..
Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?
-----------------
Can you do anything that other people can't?
Sure, I can read my handwriting..
-----------------
When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best?
She answers: My husband's cheque book..
----------------
Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
----------------
My father is so old that when he was in school, historywas called current affairs.
----------------
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkeyand stopped him, what virtue would I be Showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
-----------------
Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
------------------
Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help. JobApplicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person inthis case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!
--------------------
Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
--------------------
Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same asyour brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
--------------------
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
--------------------
Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?
---------------------
Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!
--------------------
Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.
------------------
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible toteach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
--------------
Should women have children after 35
No, 35 children are more than enough!
----------------
No one has ever complained of a parachute notopening..
----------------
Living on Earth may be expensive, but itincludes an annual free trip around the Sun..
----------------
*****************************************************************************
funny questions & answersQuestion : You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anythingelse with you in the boat? How will you do it?
Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat willbecome LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the otherCigarette
another deadly answer. Scroll down a little.....
Anoth! er solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches winMatches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down.......
Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)
"TIP TIP barsa Pani.
Pani ne aag lagayee."
us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".......
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down
Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous & "jalneylagega"
********************************************************************************
Tax structure in India..
1) Qus. : What are you doing? Ans. : Business.Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?Ans. : Selling the Goods.Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!
3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?Ans. : From other State/AbroadTax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!
4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?Ans. : Profit.Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!
5) Qus. : How do you distribute profit ?Ans : By way of dividendTax : Pay dividend distribution Tax
6) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?Ans. : Factory.Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!
7) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?Ans. : YesTax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!
8) Qus. : Do you have Staff?Ans. : YesTax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!
9) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?Ans. : YesTax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!Ans : NoTax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax
10) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?Ans. : Yes, for Salary.Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!
11) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?Ans. : HotelTax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
12) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?Ans. : YesTax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!
13) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?Ans. : YesTax : PAY SERVICE TAX!
14) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?Ans. : Gift on birthday.Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!
15) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?Ans. : YesTax : PAY WEALTH TAX!
16) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?Ans. : Cinema or Resort.Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
17) Qus.: Have you purchased House?Ans. : YesTax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !
18) Qus.: How you Travel?Ans. : BusTax : PAY SURCHARGE!
19) Qus.: Any Additional Tax?Ans. : YesTax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
20) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?Ans. : YesTax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!
21) INDIAN :: okay, okay !! can i die now??Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!!!
Whats new?
May 17, 09
Check out my article "FAQs (Frequently asked questions) on Time Management" http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/shah.html
April 26, 09
Just purchased CD of 8 oscars winner movie "Slumdog Millionaire"... Movie has shown some hardcore realities. At some places it seems bit exagerrated like taking out eyes & all.. Overall it reflects the dark side of struggling life... Movie truly deserves the oscar as it touches many aspects of life...How religious conflicts leads kids to be orphans.. How struggleful the life is for orphans & basically it covers all negatives sides of human beings which arises in absence of money & love.. I also liked the fonts they've used for movie name in end... Its like english name with over line (way we do in hindi script)....
Feb 24, 09
Came across some sites for taxation & laws ->
http://incometaxindia.gov.in/
http://www.taxindiaonline.com/
http://www.tax4india.com/
http://www.tax4india.com/wealth-tax-india/wealth-tax-india.html
http://www.indiataxes.com/
http://www.laws4india.com/itl.asp
Feb 17, 09
I watched Ghajini few days back & then came across this site http://www.atithi.org.in/ promoted by Aamir. Well personally I didn't like Ghajini.... Its quite sick movie... This web site is a good initiative by him..
Feb 9, 09
I was watching one show on T.V. few days back. One desi guy has implemeted sort of garden using 6-7 PVC pipes. He has made holes in pipes to make space for plant to penetrate. Amazing thing was that all the plants were grown without soil. Only water & air was getting feeded to the plants. Same water was getting circulated thru all connected pipes using small electric motor & with help of gravitational force. The plants grown were really looking very rich... Later on while searching on net, I came to know about term Hydro Culture.. Its the technique which guy has used.. Couple of sites on same are:
http://www.hydro-culture.net/
http://edu.udym.com/growing-house-plants-in-water/
Feb 5, 09
-> Upgraded quality of Cable TV... Cursing MTNL for losing internet.... Catching up with fren from U.S. visiting India on phone...
Feb 3, 09
-> Wasted time in reading Mhada's marathi instruction manual to conclude its useless scheme as one can't sell that property for 7 years & its a dead investment....
Feb 2, 09
-> was bit hectic day with work... Delivered work to the Client.
Feb 1, 09
-> Been to Oberoi mall & bought couple of Jeans from Central store.
-> Had gala time with family at Ruchi hotel near Royal Challenge.
Check out my article "FAQs (Frequently asked questions) on Time Management" http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/shah.html
April 26, 09
Just purchased CD of 8 oscars winner movie "Slumdog Millionaire"... Movie has shown some hardcore realities. At some places it seems bit exagerrated like taking out eyes & all.. Overall it reflects the dark side of struggling life... Movie truly deserves the oscar as it touches many aspects of life...How religious conflicts leads kids to be orphans.. How struggleful the life is for orphans & basically it covers all negatives sides of human beings which arises in absence of money & love.. I also liked the fonts they've used for movie name in end... Its like english name with over line (way we do in hindi script)....
Feb 24, 09
Came across some sites for taxation & laws ->
http://incometaxindia.gov.in/
http://www.taxindiaonline.com/
http://www.tax4india.com/
http://www.tax4india.com/wealth-tax-india/wealth-tax-india.html
http://www.indiataxes.com/
http://www.laws4india.com/itl.asp
Feb 17, 09
I watched Ghajini few days back & then came across this site http://www.atithi.org.in/ promoted by Aamir. Well personally I didn't like Ghajini.... Its quite sick movie... This web site is a good initiative by him..
Feb 9, 09
I was watching one show on T.V. few days back. One desi guy has implemeted sort of garden using 6-7 PVC pipes. He has made holes in pipes to make space for plant to penetrate. Amazing thing was that all the plants were grown without soil. Only water & air was getting feeded to the plants. Same water was getting circulated thru all connected pipes using small electric motor & with help of gravitational force. The plants grown were really looking very rich... Later on while searching on net, I came to know about term Hydro Culture.. Its the technique which guy has used.. Couple of sites on same are:
http://www.hydro-culture.net/
http://edu.udym.com/growing-house-plants-in-water/
Feb 5, 09
-> Upgraded quality of Cable TV... Cursing MTNL for losing internet.... Catching up with fren from U.S. visiting India on phone...
Feb 3, 09
-> Wasted time in reading Mhada's marathi instruction manual to conclude its useless scheme as one can't sell that property for 7 years & its a dead investment....
Feb 2, 09
-> was bit hectic day with work... Delivered work to the Client.
Feb 1, 09
-> Been to Oberoi mall & bought couple of Jeans from Central store.
-> Had gala time with family at Ruchi hotel near Royal Challenge.
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